Looking for a used vehicle is a process that involves getting uncomfortably familiar with classified car ads. Be it Autotrader, Gumtree, eBay or god forbid Facebook classifieds, the fact is there are shite cars everywhere, and with shite cars comes truly terrible adverts.
Spend enough time looking at such adverts and you’ll soon get used to the language involved – the cliché phrases and the downright lies that untrustworthy shites use to try and flog their motors. With that in mind, here’s my guide to deciphering the bullshit in car adverts.
On Service history
‘Service history’ – Poor or incomplete service history, expect minimal stamps and potentially history from a completely different vehicle
‘Part service history’ – Service history, most of which is missing
‘Full service history’ – Usually means part service history
‘Serviced by myself’ – Not serviced
On Previous owners
‘One female owner’ – The owner is a female (why do people still do this?!)
‘One doctor owner’ – The owner was a doctor (same point as above)
‘One elderly owner’ – R.I.P clutch and bumper plastics
On the car’s condition
‘Interior is in great condition’ – Exterior is fucked
‘Slight bubbling on arch’ – Terminal rust
‘Could do with some TLC’ – It’s a shitheap
‘Could easily be made into a show winning car’ – Plenty of reasons why it isn’t a show winner
‘Always turns heads’ – Driver needs to pay more attention when driving
On the car’s mechanicals
‘Cambelt done, no receipt though’ – Cambelt not done, ticking time bomb under the bonnet
‘Car had speedo failure at xxx mileage, replacement sourced’ – Shamelessly clocked example
‘Slight whine from gearbox/diff’ – drivetrain has had it
‘Future classic’ – Unlikely to be a future classic
‘Cheapest on eBay/Autotrader/Gumtree’ – Worst example on eBay/Autotrader/Gumtree
‘Workhorse’ – Abused mule of a vehicle
‘Good runner’ – Amazing that it still runs
‘Age related marks’ – Iron oxide galore
‘This car is xx years old, please don’t expect a new car’ – it’s ropey as fuck
‘Selling on behalf of a friend’ – Lying bastard
Any vehicles with an advert displaying the following words should be treated with extreme caution.
Euro, Stanced, Modded, Slammed, Decked, Sleeper, Drift, Rat Look,
Know any more? Drop ‘em in the comment box below.
Image credits: main image: Channel4.com,